Fear. It has been a familiar entity to me. When I was young, little did I know that I was cultivating its several facets.

Ichthyophobia. This is probably one of the most peculiar fears in the world. I have never encountered another person who has this kind of fear. In what way do I fear these creatures? This is the beauty of my mind: Everytime I eat fish, I fear that they might come to life inside my gut. Then munch on my esophagus, stomach, and entrails. The sight of “sabaw” na fish gives me goosebumps. They’re as if swimming for real.

Acrophobia. I didn’t have this fear not until I experienced for me my worst air travel in my life. That was 1999, aboard Air Philippines from Cagayan de Oro City to Manila. I was watching the clouds from my window seat until the pilot announced that we will experiencing tubulence. Since it was not uncommon, I said to myself that it would just be a quick bumpy ride on air. But lo and behold, the turbulence was REALLY turbulent. I felt the plane almost did a free fall, or an air drop, or whatever that maneuver is. And that scared the hell out of me. After that incident, I didn’t want to go to high places. I don’t even want to ride extreme stuffs in amusement park because the feeling I had in 1999 would reverberate within.

Agathoraphobia/Fear of rejection. I am a happy person. I am a people-pleaser, and sometimes I reach the point of compromising my values in order for me not to be rejected. I sympathize with others who think that rejection is the most painful feeling in the world.

These are just some of my fears. But I have slowly learned to outgrow them. Yes, I’m not yet perfect. But I’m bracing myself for events that would challenge me to conquer my fears in their entirety. I learned that in fear, you allow yourself to settle on the mountainside. It limits you in going and pushing through til you reach the mountain top and see how beautiful creation is. Fear limits beauty.


~ by carlomer on July 26, 2011.

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